In this fast paced and highly stimulated society even our sexual lives are often fast paced and highly stimulated - media and porn dictated ideas and fantasies for physical intimacy, various sex toys, learnt techniques on how to stimulate each single part of the body, etc. All of these serve their functions and should not be considered a bad thing. However, many people often find themselves in very automatic regimes when it comes to masturbation or partnered sex - there is a clear script of what should be done and it gets followed without hesitation or curiosity to experiment. If you feel that without a separate reminder you just always go on fully automatic mode and your sexual behavior is guided by your knowledge on how to perform rather than intuitive experimentation on pleasure seeking, then we suggest that you try something inspired by tantra - sexual deconditioning.

What is sexual deconditioning

Sexual deconditioning is an exercise by which we attempt to unlearn whatever we have learnt about sexuality and explore our bodies as if we were some aliens who have just received human bodies. The goal is to feel loose and natural in our bodies and experience sexuality the way it spontaneously emerges. Those adults who have by themselves learnt to stimulate their genitals and reach orgasm in early childhood (and remember that moment) may find it much easier to understand the idea of an unconditioned self-stimulation. For those whose first attempts to masturbate or engage in partnered sexual activities happened already after receiving the general knowledge how things should happen, may find this exercise a bit frustrating. Whichever you are, this may be a good way of checking in with your body, especially if you are currently on a strongly conditioned “regime”, e.g. you cannot masturbate without porn.

The Why

What are the goals of sexual deconditioning? The main goals are to learn to be more mindful, spontaneous and free to experiment in solo and partnered sex. Further, this may also help to become sensitive towards the type of stimulation which possibly was not considered as sexual before or seemed not to be intensive enough to be detected as pleasurable. You may find this exercise worth a try if, for example, after excessive porn consumption you find it impossible to get aroused without porn or if the only way you can reach an orgasm is a very long session of vibration on your clit.

The (non) guidelines

Since the goal is your sexual deconditioning and a good connection with your intuitive self, please consider these guidelines as very flexible ones and just go with the flow. There is no right or wrong way to do this. However, the more you practice, the better you become at intuitive and spontaneous sexual behavior. So here are the ideas for the starting point:

• Relax. Often we are very tense in our bodies and full of racing thoughts in our heads to the level that this has...